Welcome to September! Not only is this a time of year that starts the back-to-school season in the United States of America, but it's a month Operation: ADULTing® dedicates to diving deep into the intricate world of interpersonal relationships! As some of us are stepping into new environments, we’re taking this opportunity to explore a topic that’s often overlooked but incredibly impactful: the various types of narcissists we encounter in our lives. Whether it's in our romantic entanglements, friendships or professional environments, understanding the dynamics of narcissism is crucial for fostering healthier connections and navigating the complexities of human interactions. As students, educators & professionals gear up for another academic year, it's essential to not only prepare our minds but to also foster healthier connections & navigate the complexities of human interactions.

Why focus on narcissism?

Everywhere we look & scroll nowadays it seems that EVERYONE is narcissist & while it is a buzzword that needs a rest for a year or two; we're highlighting the major & subtle redflags that are typically in the narcs playbook.

As we transition into the new school year or even begin a new career, we’re likely to form new relationships - be it with classmates, teachers or colleagues. It’s a time of fresh starts, but also a period where we might encounter challenging personalities that can affect our growth & well-being. Narcissism, in its various forms, can manifest in these new relationships & recognising these traits early on can empower you to set boundaries, protect your mental health & foster healthier interactions.

Narcissists behaviors present in many different ways, significantly affecting those around the narcissist. From subtle manipulations to overtly toxic behavior, recognizing these traits early on can empower you to set boundaries, protect your mental health, and foster healthier relationships. This September, we’re putting the spotlight on the different faces of narcissism while offering insights on how to deal with them effectively.

Types of Narcissists We’ll Be Discussing:

1) The Platonic Narcissist:

• Do you have a friend who always makes everything about them, no matter the situation?
• As you make new friends or reconnect with old ones, it’s important to recognise friendships with narcissists, which can be draining & typically one-sided. These are the friends who always need to be the centre of attention, who take more than they give & who can’t stand it when the spotlight isn’t on them. We’ll provide tips on maintaining your sanity & self-worth when dealing with these types of individuals.

2) The Romantic Narcissist:

• Do you know that person who rushes into romance with grand gestures, but something feels off?
• With the excitement of a new school year, many might find themselves embarking on new romantic relationships. These individuals can be incredibly charming at first, often sweeping their partners off their feet with grand gestures & intense affection. However, this is often a façade that hides a more self-serving agenda. We’ll explore the red flags to watch out for & how to navigate relationships with romantic narcissists.

3) The Workplace Narcissist:

• Do you have a coworker who’s quick to point out issues with everyone else's work but slow to acknowledge their own?
• Whether it’s a new job, an internship or simply returning to work after break of any kind, workplace narcissists can create a toxic environment that stifles growth and fosters resentment. We’ll discuss strategies for maintaining professionalism, protecting your peace & thriving despite their behavior.

Red flags ALL narcissists have in common

• MENTAL GYMNASTICS: Why do their stories just not add up?! This manifests when they struggle to keep their stories straight or reveal conflicting details about events. When confronted with these inconsistencies, they typically deflect & insist there’s no issue, attempting to twist the narrative to make you doubt your perceptions. This tactic not only creates confusion but also shifts the focus away from their behavior, leaving you questioning your own memory & reality. As a result, you may find yourself in a position where you feel responsible for their version of the truth, further reinforcing their control and undermining your own sense of clarity.

• EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION: You're prioritising their needs than your own or they're twisting situations to make you feel responsible for their happiness. In healthy, reciprocal relationships, your needs should be just as important as theirs. So when you find yourself constantly thinking about altering your actions in case they react negatively or make you feel guilty, it's a red flag that you're dealing with a narcissist.

• COMMITMENT PHOBE: When plans are made, they risk being held responsible for their actions or having to confront uncomfortable feelings that arise in more stable, predictable settings. This pattern can leave you feeling anxious and uncertain, as your desire for stability clashes with their need for freedom and unpredictability. If you find this person frequently dodges commitments or leaves you hanging, it’s a strong indicator that you’re dealing with someone who prioritizes their own comfort over a mutual connection.

• REPETITIVE CONVERSATIONS/STORIES: This train typically rears its head at the 2- to 3- month mark. A narcissist often retells the same stories using the exact or similar words & expressions, expecting you to react with the same enthusiasm as the first time you heard it. They’re not just repeating themselves casually; they want to relive the attention & validation they got initially. If you mention that you've already heard the story, they might get irritated or defensive, showing they’re more interested in your reaction than the actual conversation. This behaviour is a sign they’re trying to keep the spotlight on themselves and aren't interested in genuine, two-way communication.

• LACK OF EMPATHY: When you open up about your feelings, a narcissist might brush them off or flip the script to shift the focus to how they feel, showing little concern for you & your emotions or emotional well-being. This lack of empathy is a clear sign of an unhealthy relationship dynamic where your emotions are devalued.

• MANIPULATION: A narcissist might twist situations to make you feel guilty, confused or responsible for their problems, steering things in their favor. Typically they'll play the vicim or say things that leave you second-guessing your actions and decisions. Over time, you may find yourself doing things you wouldn’t normally do, just to keep the peace or avoid their disapproval. When you try to assert yourself, they might flip the script, making it seem like you’re the one being unreasonable. This constant manipulation is designed to control you and keep the power dynamic in their favour. If you constantly feel like you're being played or second-guessing yourself, it's a sign you're being manipulated.

• ENERGY DRAINER: Think about the time you spend with your close friends: you've played basketball for 4 hours, gone swimming for 3 and eaten your favourite meal, you head home after it all feeling tired, but joyful & fulfilled. This isn't at all the same when it comes to a narcissistic person. After spending time with a narcissist, you might feel drained and depleted.

Final Thoughts

Whether you're hitting the books or the office, it's important to not only focus on academics but also on the quality of our relationships. By understanding the dynamics of narcissism, we can take proactive steps to protect ourselves and create healthier, more fulfilling connections. This September, let’s equip ourselves with the knowledge and tools to navigate relationships confidently and successfully.

Remember: an apology without action is manipulation.